This was written to illustrate how John did what needed to be doneand so should we all, guysand so resolved the crisis. Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. Then we have a gift to encourage you! Save 10% off all orders: Use discount coupon code WELLNESSFORCE at checkout. I hadnt ever seen that and its perfect. Organisieren, kontrollieren, verteilen und messen Sie alle Ihre digitalen Inhalte. So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. Release the past, reconnect, and rediscover play. In this in-depth interview, best-selling relationships author John Gray, PhD discusses how modern life is wreaking havoc on our delicate hormonal balance, and how differentiating male and female hormones are largely responsible for feminine and masculine behavioral patterns that we observe in our partners, much to our frustration and misinterpretation. When the kids were little I told Bonnie, Every Monday, thats your day off. We can even get addicted to complaining. Heres the hard one. I dont mean to upset you. My daughter Lauren and I are deeply committed to helping you attract, create, and nurture the love that is your birthright. Essentially, if we really knew what we needed, it would be much easier to get it. Ducking and dodging really is rope-a-dope. John: You seem upset. I was the bystander I had in mind and I really would not like to see that transaction, much less to be on the receiving end of Bonnies anger. Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. In contrast, the soul mate relationship provides the unique emotional support to fully express our authentic self which includes both our masculine and feminine qualities. John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. When they do something they are good at their hormones go up, which is great! John Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. We just hang out and we update each other on our lives. She had two little children from a previous marriage, and in our first year of marriage we had a child together, so we had three daughters. Boards are the best place to save images and video clips. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. Pretty smart of us, I think. Then speed that up with computers, Internet and cell phones; our lifestyle is so much faster and busier than before. Change). His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. 2023 Getty Images. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. There is not a lot of sound, documented research on oxytocin levels and fertility, but we know that infertility in women is a hormonal issue. Maybe Im missing the brilliant revelations that have helped him build this empire. John Gray: Its all locked up inside. I created BREATHE after my own dark nights of the soul and years of research traveling the world in search of the truth about self-healing. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. Anything else, he will defend himself. PR.com: How did you come to these conclusions, regarding hormonal differences, in the way men and women express and diffuse their stress? If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. John Gray: Right, and on the surface that would sound very thin to some people, unless you measure and see that during a massage her oxytocin levels rebuild, and then she is able to cope with stress. Fill out the quick form below to get started. During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. But there is another guy who hangs out with girls because they listen to him talk about his feelings, and hell say guys dont relate to it or like it at all. Okay, so the first response was not as thoughtful as it should have been. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. For men, your estrogen levels are going up and your testosterone levels are going down. How to share the right way: This makes a huge difference in lowering cortisol and keeping us heart healthy! And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all. Little does she know. Ill just nod and not say anything to be dismissive of the whole thing. They dont expect their husband to do it all. John and Bonnie Gray, Just Doin TheirJobs. In this episode: Proven tips to immediately strengthen your relationship The biggest mistakes people make in the home Secrets of a happy marriage; and We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that So there is a numbness that sets in. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. Sign up below and get started today! It was ugly and I am glad I dont do it anymore. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. That is all a good thing in terms of equal opportunity. By Allison Kugel, Senior Editor - July 15, 2010, Reproduction without explicit written permission is prohibited. I just need to talk for a while and feel that you care. In saying that, Bonnie not only prepares John for the ducking and dodging he is going to have to do, but also apologizes in advance for whatever she may say that is offensive or mean-spirited. In the nineties when the book was very popular, that is when most of the universities began having gender studies departments. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. But if you feel like its thirty steps and you still dont know if you are ever going to get there, you just get tired. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. (He says he didnt like being questioned, but by saying as little as this, he was able to prevent clashing with her). I re-wrote it and used the original title that I wanted to begin with, which was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Three. Goodbye, bickering. Collect, curate and comment on your files. During graduate school, John served as the Assistant Dean of Men at Bob Jones University for five years. Theres the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. Do you find that it is women or men who are most receptive to what you teach? This guy has a problem because guys wont want to hang out with him, and girls will be like friends to him, but they are never going to want to have a relationship with him. She will feel like she is your mother or she will shut down. John Gray: Yes, he did (laughs). He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. Four. Its kind of like in the old days when men had their smoking or drinking clubs. Thats what a man can do, but a woman needs to have some nurturing support which allows her brain to relax. How we regulate and respond to stress determines our heart health. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. ), Bonnie: Have you researched the market? HealCircles.org is a new social network to release stress, come join us! John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. Their love story unfolded in a series of popular self-help books that have sold millions of copies and have been translated into 5o languages. They are the original Mars and Venus - yes, that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis. I was disappointed or frustrated key is to add emotions as opposed to statements like you dont care. Men often wonder, Why does she act so needy and moody when there is a problem? Women complain, Why is he so distant and quiet after a long day at work?. Author John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. Organize, control, distribute and measure all of your digital content. (LogOut/ How can we relate to one another? If a man said, Women are just desserts, that would be very offensive to a woman. PR.com: We have a fourteen month old. You just go away for a day and do things that you love to do, and if you want you can give me a call, and Ill get a babysitter and come visit you at a hotel room., John Gray: It was a very sweet time of our lives and I remember it very clearly. I dont know if you have seen this pattern in the therapy that you do, but having a child accentuates the differences between men and women, tenfold. Its starting to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person. His many books, blogs and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. Like, for instance, being from Venus? Gray says that there are serious main and side effects to making them act like they are from Mars. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. Soul mate relationships are where both partners understand and respect their differences so they can expand empathy and deeply support each other throughout life. Author ofMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Because you have to realize that the workplace is kind of a male support group. Bonnie: Of course you do. I got the news, on my honeymoon, that my father had died. That has value for the same reason I like reading womens magazines at the doctors office: I like to know what women really think about. Its hard for her to acknowledge aspects of who she is because she [fears] she will be judged or ridiculed. something shes enjoys loves and feels safe. I want to go unwind and watch a movie. I had him go into a room and shut the door. He is asking them to be less aware of their feelings and more aware of their wifes feelings. For men, retirement means 2 to 3 years to a heart attack, according to statistics. I feel like you get what you want and I get seconds. Social and economic shifts have caused the sexes to no longer be dependent on each other. But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. Learn to minimize and speak emotions. In fact, last night he said, I had a rough day. Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. What do you mean by that? John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. No one has really done that. Check out Dr. Joels interview on how to prevent heart disease. When something seems amiss, and someone is acting irrationally, you should immediately try to get to the source of the problem, rather than reacting to the symptoms. Try not verbalize negative complaints to your loved ones. PR.com: You hold all of this knowledge, but in your own marriage do you and your wife ever slip into some of the bad patterns that most others do? (If youre looking to strengthen your current relationship or finally attract the love of your life, youre in the right place.). WebIn hardcover, it was the #1 bestselling book of the 1990s. Since Johns responsibility is to duck and dodge, you will not be surprised to learn that Bonnies are to pause and prepare.. He talked to all his friends and everyone told him to end it. I take my cave time and she takes time to talk about things. We dont seem to be able to enjoy that same female camaraderie that women did decades ago, like at the turn of the twentieth century. Gray is not asking men to be more aware of their feelings. He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. If my wife says, I want to go get a massage, I know men that would say, Well, honey, thats expensive. If my wife wants a massage, thats as important as a doctors appointment (laughs). Reassurance is a key factor to keep that estrogen up. Gray runs through things women prepare for: meals, children, their appearance, relationship, and so on. WebBus Schedule. Limitation is all of our negative beliefs, emotions, our greed, our selfishness, and all of our violence whether we hide it or not it's all in there. These roles that men and women have had, to various degrees, had pretty much stayed the same for thousands of years. Its not like I have all this thought out (He asked what she thought they should spend the money on). And we assume our partner would be thinking and feeling the same way, when quite often its different. 2023 Getty Images. I hear all these stories of women in their sixties who get awakened and they go, Gee, I want something, and I just dont have it with my partner. When couples are getting divorced they find reasons why theyre getting divorced, but the bottom line is theyre not having sex.

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