I take it she will know nothing about it? It Turned Out To . I'm curious about the male perspective on this. No. Is there a cycle of her doing this, you getting angry. A woman with two kids told me that the idea of her husband spending precious free time away from the family with anyonefemale or male, sexually compatible or notwho wasnt a longtime friend would make her jealous. would he want to have an affair with me? If there's a group i go, but never alone. It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. It really shocked me and has made me feel suspicious around all my male friends now, especially because many men I know are at that mid-life crisis stage. She made a face like it wouldnt be a big deal. I get pissed and tell her its been 8 fking hours.she says "really?." So draw that boundary that doesn't allow them opportunities to flirt or say/do things that might lead you down that road. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. But she didn't do that, she turned it all around on him. reader, So_Very_Confused+, writes (12 September 2013): A She's going out to a club with her single girlfriends to get drunk and dance all night. Don't have an account? I am not sure if she has any respect for you. Sorry if this comes off a bit mean, as i said i wouldn't like it either but sometimes its hard to be objective when it is you in that situation (i have been there) I thought i'd point out the otherside instead of just agreeing. Going for a drink with a married man? I hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values. All Rights Reserved. I believe there are other factors to take into consideration. answers from Chicago on October 30, 2008. I have no problem because I love girls weekends. It will almost always add fuel to the fire. What if you were out of town for the weekend and your spouse and a single friend went to see the buzzy movie du jour? In many parts of the world, of course, ideas about what married people can and cant do are enforced by religious and legal authorities (mostly to the detriment of women), but no one here was suggesting that they were morally uneasy about the mere idea of men and women (or gay men and women and other gay men and women, as it were) being alone together. How would he react if you behaved like this? I had nothing to hide so DH was invited along to every get together. I dont think you have the right to tell him he can't! Your feelings should be paramount. Thanks Ren, that was sweet of you to say. Add your answer to this question! Appropriate boundaries with married peopleRed flags to look for? and just chill. Going above and beyond to help you out, not once or twice but over and over again is among the obvious signs that a married man loves you. Again her reasoning's are that they are just friends, she wishes I would trust her judgement and that I was being **** making her feel like a terrible wife. Ah, Wednesday. Look, this might sound simple, but it's true. 1. brokenangel1, August 19, 2014 in General Relationship Discussion, My wife has worked with these two male co-workers for few years. I do not care at all. If you practice the philosophy that you don't put yourself in compromising positions alone with them (especially involving partying alone or drinking with them), and don't engage in flirting and personal email/IM messaging, you will avoid most of the problems. That her social life -- like many adults -- revolves around work? I'm constantly worried about doing inappropriate things that may inadvertently signal to a married man that I'm open to an affair when that's the farthest thing from my mind. Another one of the best signs a female coworker is attracted to you is the smile. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! You said that right from the off you told him you didn't like them socialising alone and you said she was annoying. Your husband is being unreasonable. You might joke about things related to the office, or talk in groups of other people with them, but you don't spend much one on one time with them. Marriages were often arranged through families and preceded by formal courtship. Over the course of the 20th century, though, women entered previously male workplaces and outside-the-home dating became common. Both of you need better boundaries if you want to preserve your marriage. Fortunately, he got the message and stopped on his own accord. My husband and his friends will have a "guys" weekend once a year. Right from the off, I said I was uncomfortable with them spending time together alone for lunches, dinner, drinks etc. When I met my husband, he had a good friend at work, a single girl, who is EXTREMELY flirtatious, and at least a little annoying. If were going to start making rules about when who is and isnt allowed to fix the cable, the cables never going to get fixed. If she had 3-4 drinks with them & then came home after 2-3 hours I'd be telling you to power down & remain calm. Bill, by his own account, responded that there was no way a repairman was getting into his house when the only other person home was his wife. The minute he started talking to me in a way I knew intuitively and in my gut was inappropriate, I should have stopped talking to him completely. if its a guys night out and its like 10 buddys sure, if hes going by himself, somethings a foot.Going out with your buddys is homosocial behavior, A typical of men. Again, while I don't necessarily condone the amount of time (8 hours) she spent drinking with these guys, I don't see that infraction alone as necessitating a divorce, without at least a lot more effort to try to work something out. Maybe this was his plan from the start. The three of us went out to dinner the first night - no problem. Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? You know, if you're meeting up with friends at a bar and you get there early. Started November 16, 2022, I'm constantly worried about doing inappropriate things that may inadvertently signal to a married man that I'm open to an affair. A woman who is in love with another man will stop giving her husband the time of day. If your husband feels the need to go out with his unmarried male friends, 2 to 3 nights a week, then I'd suggest you take him back to his mother, and tell her to finish raising him, because no grown man, or no respectable loving husband, would ever think this was appropriate. I'm just listening and taking it all in. Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? - NO! My husband worked with this women but she recently got a different job. Avoid trying to compete with his partner. Her getting angry, apologies, love and back around again? As far as I understand it doesn't matter in the eyes of the courts even if a person cheated, which is unfortunate. Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, they'd have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves. And from the sound of it, your mom was just waiting for an excuse to say "I told you so". Your affair with a married man will kick off with you realizing that you've fallen in love with a married man. Yes, this includes more than just our parents - it includes other women as well. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. We have been dating for 2.5 years as well. It's a variation of understanding you shouldn't ever put yourself in a 'compromising position', which means spending alone time/talk of any kind with a married man. I had feelings for him, so the fact that he was still with someone and hitting on me made me want to make his life a living hell. Since that scenario is so rare, it is generally NOT a good idea for anyone to let their spouse get away with going out alone with a member of the opposite sex. Id feel some unease. Honest men understand the lines, and don't try to cross them, and men trolling for affairs do. It was the other way around. I think you two should definitely sit down and have a discussion and set some boundaries. Epstein says that in her personal experience, mixed-gender drinking situations easily cross become sexual for women, in ways that don't necessarily affect men. I cannot for the life of me believe that it would be okay for a married woman to go AWOL with a bunch of drinking guy work friends and not come home till after the next day and then get upset because her husband is upset Start keeping a journal of everything, and I mean everything that happens, conversations, texts, emails, everything so that when you lawyer up you have a comprehensive account of all the **** she pulled. The fact that it was all men makes it a little shifty. She did tell you and invite you. Am I way off base for getting mad about this? One woman I spoke to, Susan Flemming, 42, a stay-at-home mother of three . Location: California Posted August 19, 2014 No, it's not fine. Maybe you're even married. Only respond to mail that is work related, and ignore any personal attempts. Several said theyd be uncomfortable if their spouse or partner engaged in certain interactions without them and/or felt their spouses might not be happy with them if they did the same. Partying all night with other men is a boundary you should have let her know she can't cross. yes as a gay man i have single and attached gay mates that i manage to go for drinks with and not end up shagging so i dont see a issue. I've had nights out -- while in a LTR -- where I didn't come home until 6 hours or so after work. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. Servedcold, I can definitely see you becoming a lot more enticing to all the females if they thought you made that much everyday.

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